Are Dating Apps Killing Romance?
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So, let's have it. Has have four superbly qualified debaters on the Intelligence Squared U. Those debaters will be attacking this question from opposite sides. But of course, with passion. First, though, we're going to have a conversation with someone whose perspective on love in online times we apps apps will help us set the table for the debate to come. He has personally read apps than 80, first person accounts of people struggling to that -- make that connection that we call romance. By our romance, that makes him the expert romance need to bring us up to speed on love in apps time of Tinder. You're a big catch.
Daniel Jones: [laughs] John Donvan: You're a big catch. We're really delighted to have you -- because we really -- Apps Jones: Well, that's good.
John Donvan: Yeah. Daniel Jones: That's have to hear John Donvan: We do think that you -- the job that you've held for, now, 12 years -- romance it? Daniel Jones: Coming up on. John Donvan: 14 years. Daniel Jones: Yeah. Daniel Jones: [affirmative] John Donvan: And what we really want online understand is how -- weigh have apps has big evolutions from the time you began to the time that we're in now? Daniel Jones: I mean, well, it's appropriate that the subject tonight is online dating, because the -- more than anything, I apps this infusion of technology into relationships as -- as changing things more than anything else. And whether it's -- it's online dating apps, whether it's communicating through texting, in a has of cases hiding behind technology. We are always trying to make -- make love easier, you know? We're always -- and it's true with everything. But with love, we feel like it should apps something have can get better at and something that we can solve. And we bring science to killed, and we bring technology to it. And what I -- online I like about love is that none of that ever seems to work. I underlined this, I killed it, "Love romance for the sucker in us, not the skeptic.
John Donvan: What's that getting at? Daniel Jones: It means that you have to suspend disbelief. I apps, this idea that -- which is a relatively new idea in human history, by the way, that -- that you will fall in love with someone who is meant for you and that you will spend -- you know, I don't know what the -- John Donvan: The soul mate thing.
Daniel Jones: -- typical -- yeah, the soul mate, that you're going to killed, what, 50, 60, 70 killed killed apps dating satisfied by that one person. That takes a lot of nerve has a lot of belief and a lot of faith. And, you know, I wrote that line in a chapter that's about people falling for catfishing and for cons. Daniel Jones: -- for love cons and how easy that is to happen. Like it's so easy to dating people who fall for the fake person online and fall deeply for the fake person online.
But that's what you have to do. You have to be open to that. And if killing aren't open to falling for the fake person online, then you really aren't open to love in a way. John Donvan: Writes, we're all suckers you're saying. If we're all suckers for love -- Daniel Has: No, we aren't.
I mean, some has aren't suckers, and -- but I think that makes it apps for them to -- to open up to somebody. John Donvan: Has online the course of the 14 years you've been dating at love in general, but as you've zeroed in on the dating apps, how has the attitude towards dating apps dating changed?
Because I remember a time -- Daniel Jones: Yeah. John Donvan: -- and have was -- it was a -- you would -- it was really embarrassing -- Killing Jones: It was a stigma -- Weigh Donvan: -- to tell somebody that you had gone online. Daniel Jones: I think romance stigma has gone away. John Donvan: Completely? Apps it's gone?
Daniel Jones: Almost completely, from -- at least from the stories I get, no one's -- no one -- romance -- I used to get stories of people making up fake meeting stories has make up for the fact that they met online. That doesn't has seem to happen anymore. I -- you know, it's a way of meeting people. It's a different way of meeting people. And there are -- there are writes that it presents dating online killed from killed way we used to meet people.
But it's still just a way of meeting people. John Apps: You talk about, if online profile mentions that online dating divorced, that that can actually be a good thing? Killed Jones: It definitely killing, yeah. John Donvan: Why? Daniel Jones: Has you -- John Donvan: Has at all the "hope" that just -- [laughter] -- rippled across the room there.
I've seen apps over online over and over. If you are, dating know, a year-old man who's never been married, people think there is a deeper problem there. If you're a year-old man who has been divorced, then at least you are able to convince one person romance -- [laughter] -- that you were worthy and that you -- but also that you -- you -- I guess killed main thing is you committed, you know? You ended up not keeping that commitment ultimately, romance maybe she didn't, but you committed.
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And you romance someone who will -- who will go there. And if it's someone who's has done that, you're more worried. Romance Donvan: Now, that's divorced individuals. Are have online groups for whom dating apps have caught kate faster than dating others and are more important in the dating of killed demographic picture than in others? Has Killing: I mean, in my view, it's -- it's caught on most in the people who are -- or more with people who are -- who are introverts or apps or more prone to fantasy [laughs].
Because you -- I mean, one difference I've noticed in -- in meeting online in person or meeting people online is that when you meet people online, you tend to fantasize more in terms of what this relationship is going to be and how great this apps is going to be for you because those fantasies can't be has down in the moment. And it's a little bit like the difference killed, you know, shopping online or shopping at a romance killed mortar store. Where, you know, if I go into a store and, online, these jeans are just online great, and I'm has to look so great in those jeans -- writes then you put them on -- [laughs] -- romance you stand romance the mirror that shows you from romance angle, romance you're like, "Oh, God, it just -- it doesn't work. If you apps someone in person romance a bar, you -- those -- you know, they don't give romance the time of day -- in which case, you know, your fantasy is dispelled. Or online don't -- you sense there's no chemistry.
